Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
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you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm like, not good at living.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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