My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
