I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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