Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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