Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
