I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
