Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
it's like iHOP with fire
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
