Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
