I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
