I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
