Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
