i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
