the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
