So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
