bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
