I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
