Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
