smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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