There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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