I'm eating all of the evidence.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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