booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
