Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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