i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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