He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
