I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
