What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
