Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
