ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
