I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
