i think my tv is drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
