last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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