Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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