If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
