you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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