thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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