and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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