they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
