this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think my fart just growled at me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
