Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
