Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
