Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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