Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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