so that wasnt chicken after all
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
