I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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