I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
