I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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