Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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