OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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