Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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