I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
