I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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