I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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