My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
