You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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