im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
