you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
