Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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