Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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