Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
